Not Ready
by LuckyDuck29
Summary: One shot based on the end of yesterday's episode. Spinelli acts on what he overheard.


People who eavesdrop are said to hear things about themselves that they do not wish to hear. One would think The Jackal would have learned that by now. However, his intention was not to eavesdrop, but to comfort his Maximista. He had no idea that he would find his love confessing to his friend and mentor that she did not wish to be married at this time, that her biggest fear was that she would run screaming from the alter.

"Maximista, why didn't you tell me?"

She jumped as she and Stone Cold looked towards me.

"Spinelli, what are you doing here? I said I'd catch up with you."

"You said you'd left something here, but you looked upset. I wanted to see if you were OK."

I didn't know what I was feeling. She was marrying me because she knew I wanted it, not because she wanted it. I understood that she was trying to make me happy, but I did not understand why she would think lying to me about anything would make me happy.

"I've asked you," I said as I moved closer to them. "I've asked you twice if you were having second thoughts and both times you said you wanted to marry me. Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

"I'll leave you two alone," Stone Cold said.

He past me, briefly touched my shoulder and mouthed, "she does love you; remember that," as he left.

I nodded in acknowledgment of his advice, but kept my eyes on my intended.

"I don't understand why you're so upset," Maxie said, trying to deflect my questions. "I mean, I'm trying to be selfless here; I'm trying to be the Fair Maximista you think I am. I mean, Matt Hunter came by Crimson today and offered to take me away. He thought I was just gonna leave you at the alter, but I said-"

"Forget about Dr. Doom!: I said, more sharply than intended. "This doesn't concern him. This is between you and me."

She looked away and I could see her fighting back tears. I took a deep breath. Anger was not going to resolve this issue. I was feeling a plethora of emotions at the moment, but I was mostly torn between anger at her lies and gratitude for her selfless but extremely misguided attempt to put the happiness of the man she loves above her own.

"I heard everything you said to Stone Cold. I understand what you're trying to do. You're telling me what I think I wanna hear."

"What I think you wanna hear?"

"You're only agreeing to the marriage because I want it, and he's right, Maximista; that's not fair to either of us."

She looked back at me with a mixture of fear and relief in her beautiful blue eyes.

"I'm still Maximista?"

There was a tremble and a slight whine in her voice.

"You'll always be Maximista," I said softly, moving to hold her.

A sob shook her tiny frame as she clung to me.

"I don't wanna lose you," she whimpered against my shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere."

I was surprised, but I thought she was referring to the night Johnny had been shot saving my life. My presumption, until she spoke again, was that she had not completely dealt with that and that part of her insistence on continuing with the wedding plans had been because she would much rather plan our wedding than my funeral.

"We don't know that. We don't know that you're still gonna be here tomorrow. People die, Spinelli, or they go away and don't come back!"

"Maximista!"

It broke my heart to think she was so afraid of losing me that she would sacrifice her own happiness in order to keep me from leaving her.

"I have everything I want; I have you and my career and if getting married is what it's gonna take to keep everything from falling apart, that's what I'm gonna do!"

I fully understood now and clarified for both of us.

"You're afraid to get married, but even more afraid not to."

She nodded with a sniffle. I held her more tightly and stroked her blonde hair.

"Do you think I'm gonna leave you if we don't get married immediately?"

"People have left me for less; look at my parents."

"Maximista, they didn't leave because of anything you did or failed to do; they left because of their jobs."

"They still left me!"

"You told Stone Cold that you're not ready for marriage now, but that it doesn't mean you never wish to marry me. I can accept that, Maximista; we don't have to get married tomorrow if you're not ready. In fact, we should not. Marriage is an equal partnership and if both partners are not ready, it will not last. You can't marry me because I want you to; you have to be ready, too. If you're not, then we must postpone the nuptials."

"I wanna make you happy."

"I know, but I can't be happy if you're unhappy."

"I can be happy if we-"

"No, Maximista. If we proceed with the wedding tomorrow we will fail. I know you don't wanna hurt me and that's why you were insisting on becoming my bride, but your lies, however well-intentioned, would have only hurt us both much worse in the future. If you need to wait, then we will wait as long as you need. I love you; I'm not gonna bale. I want you to be happy, too. My fondest wish is to make you happy. If marriage will not bring you happiness at this juncture, then I don't wanna marry you until it will. I do not wish to force you to be my bride."

"You wouldn't be forcing me!"

"Not intentionally, but if I allow the nuptials to proceed knowing how you feel, then I will be. I don't doubt your love for me. A few short months ago I thought you would never love me as more than a brother figure, your best friend, your essential person. That was the reason I came to loathe that phrase, because it served as a painful reminder that I would never be good enough for you."

"Spinelli!"

"But you showed me that I was wrong. You said you know your heart now. I know mine, too, and as long as you return my feelings, I don't need you to prove it by marrying me, not if you're so afraid of marriage that you feel the need to request that Stone Cold basically force you to marry me."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed.

"No, you don't need to apologize. But I need you to tell me your feelings; I can't read your mind. I understand your fear, but lying to me will only cause you to lose me because eventually the lies will snowball and I won't be able to trust you. We can't last without truth, Maximista; no couple can. I may get hurt or angry, but I will always respect your feelings. No relationship of any kind can function in the absence of communication. We have to acknowledge the issues and discuss them; it's the only way we can become stronger as a couple. If we do that, someday we will be ready for marriage."

I could see when she lifted her head and looked at me that she wanted to believe that calling off the wedding would not cause her to lose me, but she was still afraid.

"What if we call off the wedding and something horrible happens to you the next day?"

"If something horrible is fated to happen, then it will, regardless of whether or not we're married."

"Hey, I thought you were supposed to be the optimist."

"The Jackal is most optimistic that nothing will happen, but is well aware that anything could. It is possible to be optimistic while being simultaneously realistic."

"Spinelli," she said fearfully.

"Whatever happens," I said gently, taking her face in my hands, "we'll face it together, and we don't have to be married immediately to do that. We can wait, Maximista; we have all the time in the world."

"We don't know that!" she insisted.

"No one knows anything for certain. I'm not blind to the fact that marriages can end in divorce. I'm painfully aware that some relationships end with the parties bitterly hating each other."

I thought of Stone Cold and Fair Samantha. He had threatened to kill her at one point and The Jackal knew that one of the reasons she was still alive to have this second chance with his mentor and to be his partner in McCall and Jackal was that I had pleaded with Stone Cold not to kill her and he had told me to reason with her. I don't know if my talk with her prevented her from causing any further harm to the Maternal One and her innocent ones, but I do know that Samantha came to her senses and that all was forgiven. Others, I know, are not and most likely never will be fortunate enough to rise above the bitterness and move on.

"I don't want that to happen to us and my fear is that if we get married tomorrow with you feeling the way you do, that is precisely what will happen. I see now that I rushed you and I am truly sorry for any pain I've caused you. If you need to wait, we will. We don't even have to be engaged for now; we can just be together."

"Are you sure?" she asked hopefully.

"I'm sure that marrying tomorrow would be a grievous mistake if we're not ready and you are most assuredly not ready if you're begging Stone Cold to force you to marry me."

She winced in spite of my gentle tone.

"I don't want you to marry me because you fear there is no other way. I want you to be happy when you walk down the isle to your groom; I want your joy to overpower your fear, to dwarf it, and that won't happen tomorrow. It's too soon. I understand."

"You're not hurt or angry?"

"No."

"I love you, Spinelli."

"I love you, too."

We kissed and went to the restaurant together to tell everyone that the wedding was off.

The Proud Patriarch's relief was palpable and the look of frustration and anger on Maximista's face as she looked at him told me that I had to be careful. Maximista tended to make rash decisions when angry and I feared that if I said or did anything she or her father might say or do something they would regret.

"I would like to apologize to everyone," Maxie said, "especially Spinelli, for not being honest. I caused a lot of trouble for everyone, especially myself, and Spinelli doubted a couple of times that I wanted to get married. He gave me an out at least twice and I was too scared and too selfish to take it. So thank you all for your patience and understanding and I think we should use this dinner to celebrate Spinelli's and my commitment to be a couple; commitment doesn't always have to mean marriage and we are still together. Plus, on a more selfish note, I actually managed not to self-destruct and the man I love still loves me."

She kissed me and as I return the kiss I saw her father stand up and move toward us. She sensed my anxiety and broke the kiss, turning toward The Proud Patriarch, speaking before he could.

"Your behavior at the rehearsal was absolutely disgusting. You owe us both an apology. I am a grown woman, Mack, and Spinelli is the man I love. Spinelli is the man I wanna be with and Spinelli is the man that I'm gonna marry someday; just because we're not getting married tomorrow doesn't mean we're over and it doesn't mean we'll never get married. Now you're just gonna have to learn to accept and respect my choices because you do not have a choice!"

He looked hurt and she softened.

"I love you, Mack, but I'm not gonna live according to your dictations. You don't get to choose who I marry and you don't get to abuse your power to get me or Spinelli to do what you want. Now since there's nothing you can do to stop me and Spinelli from being together, here's what I expect you to do as my father. I expect you to be civil. I expect you to try to get to know the man I love for who he really is instead of who you choose to see. Spinelli is so much more than just his job and he is not Jason."

She looked apologetically at Stone Cold before continuing.

"You acted during that entire rehearsal as if I was marrying Satan; Spinelli is a good man who would never hurt me. He loves and respects me and that should be good enough for you. But even if it's not, I'm sorry, but you're just gonna have to settle for what I want instead of what you dictate. Now the next time you plan a family dinner, I will be bringing Spinelli. I expect him to sit on one side of me and you on the other and I expect you to really listen to him. I expect you to see the truth instead of just your biased, unfair and ill informed opinion."

"Ill informed?" Mack asked, giving me an incredulous look.

"Yeah, that's what I said. I've learned a lot from Spinelli and my vocabulary is improving."

He rolled his eyes.

"Stop that!" Maximista said angrily. "I've actually managed to impress some of the people in my career with my improved vocabulary. Spinelli gives me confidence; he believes in me. He always thinks the best of me. He thinks I'm a much better person than I am and he makes me wanna be that person. I would have self-destructed when Georgie and Coop died and Spinelli kept that from happening. He told me after Logan was brought in after Lulu hit him that you asked him to watch me, so you contributed to us ending up together and falling in love. You need to think about that the next time you think you have the right to tear Spinelli down."

Mack sighed and looked at me for a long moment.

"I respect that when you found out she wasn't ready you backed off and agreed to call off the wedding."

"It was his idea to call off the wedding," Maxie said.

"There is no need to split proverbial hairs, Maximista."

I saw The Proud Patriarch hide his annoyed expression. If he was to ever accept me, I needed to try to speak more conventionally.

"Sorry," I said, looking away.

"Don't apologize," Maxie said. "You didn't do anything wrong. Mack has no reason to look at you like you're dirt just because you don't speak the way he thinks you should!"

"OK," Mack said irritably. "All right; I'm sorry."

He paused, looked at me again with another sigh, then looked at Maxie.

"You're right about my behavior at the rehearsal, too. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," Maximista and I said together.

"I will try to accept your relationship with my daughter, but don't expect me to do what she does and act like you're a saint."

"Understood, Sir."

"Good," Maximista said cheerfully. "Now, you sit there, Mack. I'll sit here, and you sit here."

She took my hand and indicated the chair on her left; her father was on her right. Apparently she considered this to be the next family dinner.

I knew The Proud Patriarch would not accept The Jackal overnight, but I also knew that I would not fail Maximista. She loved us both and I would find a way to make her father accept me. The next time we prepared to walk down the isle, The Proud Patriarch would be smiling and willing to give her away. I hoped also that he would be proud to call me his son in-law. But even if he never accepted me, Maximista loved me, and her opinion meant everything. When she was ready, our marriage would last forever.


End file.
